please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
As shirtless as possible
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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