Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
