Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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