help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
