My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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