Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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