I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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