whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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