Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
