I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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