You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
