I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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