I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize