I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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