You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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