can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
