don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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