so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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