You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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