My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
