so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
so much tequila, so little girl.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
