JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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