my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
