is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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