Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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