I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize