I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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