please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
