I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize