Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
