Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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