Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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