did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
