I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
