I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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