at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
