someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
