I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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