i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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