We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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