but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
