her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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