Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
