i think my mom watched the whole time
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize