look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
