just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
