I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
