So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
