you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
