All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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