Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
