even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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