Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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