If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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