Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just invented taco cereal.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
