There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize