so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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