Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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