This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
