Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
