i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize