i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
