check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
