Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
