the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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