So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
