# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
