just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
