I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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