Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
