thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
