is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
