You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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