I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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