they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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