She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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