you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
