that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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