If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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