I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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