The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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