the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There r osticjed everywhere
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
