He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
