I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
