So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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