thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
