Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My cat gives me a boner
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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