Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
