Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
