She is in my trunk
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
