Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
