good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize