Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
